One-Sided Relations!

On an average I usually spend time, speaking to 5 to 7 people on an average, in any given single day.
Few calls I end up speaking, few I spend exercising deep listening.
Both ways, the learning is immense, and the value driven by these learnings has no substitute.
     In the recent past two weeks, on a similar learning spree, while addressing a group of women age between 19 to 32, listening to their respective issues, I found one common theme that emerged from all the conversations was on “Being in one-sided relations” 
       This usually does not happen often and perhaps is a coincidence but most of what all these women shared, the root cause of most of these ladies in distress was the never-ending expectations from an unfortunate one-sided relationship.
Relations which were devoid of connect and bond.
Had to spent a considerable amount of time, assisting these women, each a different case, with few self-awareness activities and notes, so that before they start to blame the world around them, I gave them an opportunity to stop, pause and take an inward journey.
   The results were overwhelming and so were most of my clients, completely shocked as they learn more about themselves, realizing how seldom they pay attention to their own self.
Out of the many, one of them, let’s call her T said, she wanted to speak to me in person and had a very pressing need that only I could address, treating it on an urgent basis ,I had to reshuffle my schedule to accommodate her in it, but was surprised to learn on what she wanted
She said ‘ Can you help me with a technique which could make “HIM” fall in love with me completely and madly !
I was at loss of words both at her innocence and stupidity and it took me some time to comprehend and understand her need because I honestly had never come crossed such strange request, including the existence of such a technique or approach she had in her mind.
She was willing to pay double the fee, only if I could teach her the secret.
I had to very politely,  make her taste reality and realize that in reality, no such techniques exist, in which I also included that no such relationships exist which are one-sided.
In my words which were direct and straight I explained her ” One-sided emotions are like a dream, in which we live in a fairyland,  having all that our heart desires and living the way we always wanted to, with absolute satisfaction ,and only when we wake up, we realize it was a nice dream, driven by our subconscious mind which is like a driverless car, moving in the direction remote controlled by your collection of innermost deep desires and fantasies “.
I concluded ; In reality, we are, and will be, always in need of another person in a relationship, equally committed and holding more or less the same degree of emotions that of ours, without which no relationships EXIST!
To be candid , the stroke of reality was harsh on her ,which is true in most cases ,realities are bitter ,that is the basic nature of it ,therefore often most of us ,if possible try to evade it .
She left the session , deeply hurt, but I was sure the bitterness would bring her more good in the future than the fake delusions she carried all this while.
This is precisely what basically made me write this piece, along with my constant confrontation with the thought that had put most of these women in trouble.
Where most of them were suffering in relationships and that too which were completely one-sided .
One-sided relationships basically shouldn’t be even defined as a relationship, because relation always involves two party otherwise  it cease to exist.
This particular article is solely dedicated for my readers who share similar emotions and feelings and tend to suffer from this so-called disease called ONE-SIDED love.
Here are few key pointers and reminders, especially for those who are affected by the one-sided affair
  • One-sided relationships are doomed from the beginning
  • One-sided relations are built on an assumption by a single party and the other party in most cases is completely unaware of it
  • One-sided relations are never defined as relationships
  • One sided is both literally and figuratively — ONE,  meaning it will never have the other in it
  • One-sided stays with the ONE only
Besides the key pointers and reminders , what one need to pay attention to is losing one’s energy ,precious time on something which never exists could be one of the most foolish things to do,just like to clap we need both hands, for a handshake we need connect and warmth, for investing in relations we need efforts and commitment from both ends and one-sided just doesn’t work whatever the case be!
So, next time if you come across someone losing their sanity over a one-sided affair,  you can generously share the key point and reminders, which can act like a first aid ,and some sense can prevail and we in some way or the other are able to save the individual from unnecessary heartache and stress which is not worth it .
spread the word,before this stupid thought take seed in weak minds .
until next time…….
Best regards

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