How to Reflect at a more deeper level
Past few weeks were very confusing for me, sometimes I do fall into the conundrum, with too much to manage on daily basis, and it often results in a lot that goes on in my mind, just like a warehouse getting filled up with stock with no proper management of it.
The coach points we offer our customers equally apply to us, and therefore every time I go about finding clarity for my own issues in Life, I exercise –” Deep Reflection “.
Do you know what is a deep reflection?
It is an activity where one indulges in a deep thought or ruminate.
During one of my client conversation, I kept emphasizing to the client to reflect deeply ,but we both struggled to reach a consensus, it was later on when I probed a bit more, realized the client perception and approach to reflection was not in sync with mine, and as a result we were not making progress.
The underlying issue more than the concept was the understanding and approach adopted, and to make it easier, I narrated a real-life incident from my Life, which left my client with enough clarity to exercise deep reflection.
I believe sometimes it is essential to share anecdotes from a Coach’s life, which in a way resounds at a more deeper level with the clients and may open up doors to better understanding of an otherwise complex concept.
Here goes The story retold to my client…
Since childhood, I was very close to my aunt, who was the youngest sister of my Father.
Before her sudden death on 14th Dec 2015, exactly a week before, it was a usual day for me, in the evening I went grocery shopping ,but due to heavy traffic ,and lack of parking area, had to park my vehicle before a small bangle shop by the road, the very look of this beautiful small store glowing with artificial stones bangles caught both my fancy and attention.
I left my task (grocery shopping) unfinished, and headed to the store, and ended up buying 5 pairs of bangles, all glittering in the most beautiful colors one could ever imagine.
Out of the 5, I gave one pair of Green Emerald bangles to my aunt and asked her to wear it, right away, she said I shall wear it and show you tomorrow, in my excitement I did not take notice nor paid any attention to her weak fragile appearance.
Next day when I went to meet her, she wore it as promised and said they were a size smaller than her wrist size but since I insisted she didn’t want to say a no and to move them up her wrist even applied soap so that they move easily, I looked at her wrist which was indeed bruised by the force she had applied to wear them, hearts of hearts I was deeply moved by her gesture .
She taught me that day how gifts, regardless of their outlook or price should be accepted and honored, which also lay down a foundation for a strong bond in relations.
After a week we lost her to a sudden cardiac arrest and she was no more!
Her mortal remains had the same bangle set kept by her side, when I inquired, learned that because she died as a married woman (Suhagann) according to the Indian culture, one gives away what belongs to the deceased.
and since the color of these bangles was green, out of all other belongings this was chosen to be given away, Green; a color that is used to manifest, marital bliss and fertility, mostly worn by the Indian married women,.
and as per the funeral ritual, these bangles were kept by her side to be given away to any poor or needy women.
As these bangles lied next to her mortal remains glittering, I watched them with moist eyes, recollecting what she taught me.
The bangle set was finally given to the women who had come for her final funeral bath, ( a special bath given to the mortal remains before the body is taken to the funeral prayer and then to the graveyard)
Her demise left me with many lessons, but the key ones were the following
1.How to reflecting on the fact that every moment is fleeting
2. How not to attach too much importance to materialistic items, for we leave behind everything, regardless of its value, cost or worth
3.How to honor relations and how sincere investment in relations strengthen bonds.
If one could learn such a profound lesson from a mere gift which stayed with the receiver for only 7 days, I told my client to imagine how deep reflection could assist if we practice it more often in our daily life.
After my narration of this piece to my client, there was a long moment of silence between us, but my client by then had learned if not completely but a good part of how to reflect.
Sometimes to connect, we need to dig deeper and share our vulnerable side with our clients, this paves way for a very effective co-creative relationship, which is the essence of a Life Coaching, and makes it effective.
Learn to reflect deeply, BUT also remember not everyone needs to undergo tragic events, similar to my experience to do so.
One can easily exercise deep reflection from simple activities of life
To reflect ;is to set aside time and take an inward journey within ,to understand why we do,think and act a certain way ,and if we intend to bring in a profound change in our inner self, it starts with our “self”, which helps us not just reflect deeply but also understand the many underlying meanings in any giving situation .
If you wish to learn more, how to reflect deeply, just write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Hope you enjoyed this piece
Until next time ……
Mehnaz Amjad (Certified Life Coach)