Resentment is a complex emotion, even though, it does not get build overnight but is a result of many issues moved under the carpet, with an assumption they might miraculously get solved on their own.
which then become a major cause of toxicity, which actually starts to brew from thoughts to perception, finally impacting our overall well being, including those of closely related to us.
It is therefore very crucial to pay heed and manage emotions early on, and you could only manage it when you understand it better.
Understanding emotions start with our self-awareness,a better view of our inner world, feelings, and thoughts
It is ironical that in today’s connected world, where we spend a considerable amount of time communicating with others via tweet, text, Whatsapp, pictures and stories on social media, very little time is spend in understanding oneself or paying attention to what goes inside us, leave alone reasoning why we behaved the way we do sometimes.
This reminds me of a real-life incident, which I had experienced from the life of an acquaintance, the incident and the person never seemed like a problem, but it was a case of piled up resentment, apparently breaking up into a major catastrophe both for the individual and the people connected to him.
John was a young boy of 19 years, all through his childhood , he lived a dependent life, He and his other siblings and mother were supported by his uncle, because John’s father could never earn enough to support his family, in addition to that John’s father had his own share of tragedies concerning his personal life, which perhaps never gave him enough motivation and encouragement to work hard and support a family which was actually an outcome of a compromise .
In his growing years, John never got to experience his father’s love, and his Uncle in all his capacity supported him both morally and financially.
The Uncle did take the responsibility of raising John into a decent young man but little did he realized or paid attention to the actual need and growing resentment inside him.
John grew up into a short-tempered guy, suffering from a chronic inferiority complex, bursting into a rage and ending up physically hurting people.
During one such family gathering when a minor argument broke out between him and someone else, he ended up sabotaging the property of his relative and badly injuring him including many others who were either trying to calm him down or were trying to fight him out.
The fight the damage changed many things that night!
As a result, the family relations strained beyond repair, but many years later on the death of his father, when he reconciled his differences between him and his Uncle’s family and rest others
The family came together but with bruised, bandaged relations where in some places the cracks could still be seen.
As a spectator to this ghastly event, I got to experience the ugliest side of not letting go which was like a flood which damaged almost everything that came into its fold.
While the relations could never restore to the original form, the equations were maintained by the matured few who believed in Letting go than holding on
I never had an opportunity to discuss this episode ever with John about his emotions and what he had been through, however, his behavior demonstrated that he did end up realizing how much baggage he carried for no reason, and how he suffered internally damaging his well being and positive mindset.
John is not the only one such case, there are many, who stand high chances of growing into skeptics, pessimist and people with Inferiority complex holding a lot of rage and anger inside them, capable of harming themselves and even others around them.
John carried a baggage of resentment, even though he had moral support and was not put to extremely tough situations to deal early on in life, but his concept of pride lied in being independent and being taken care of by his father than by his Uncle.
This key point was never understood by him and others around him
John’s elders never realized that a mere moral support does not always help, as a growing boy, when he was trying to make sense of things, it was the time when his Parents and Uncle should have stepped in to know him a bit better, empathise and anticipate what could be the likely result of not addressing his inferiority complex and short tempered nature .
An important aspect of upbringing which most people lack, resulting in the creation of defective personas and non channelized negative energies
Resentment is toxic, and to( Let go) is the medicine to get rid of the toxicity which comes from holding on to emotions, which need to be properly channelized.
To Let go is not to accept that whoever has wronged you, was correct nor to have self-pity
To Let go is an act of courage, it is an act where we unburden the negative emotions that may surround us and may create a toxic mindset and approach
Now, does it mean we forgive and forget every-time we are wronged?
The answer is No, you don’t have to continue to accept if being wronged.
To Let go in real sense means the following :
1. To stop giving importance to people and events that do not matter
2. To stop thinking about things which are irrelevant and do not add to our personal growth
3. To be crystal clear on what is important to “US” and why does it matter
4. To be more self-aware of our own emotions, needs, and thoughts, and channelize it the way it should be treated
5. To indulge in inner cleanliness by removing baggage and burden which in most cases are useless and irrelevant
6. Letting go doesn’t mean we condone a situation or behavior, it’s about lightening OUR load. When we let go of whatever is bothering us we set ourselves free – and get to reclaim that energy for ourselves.
7. You don’t need to know HOW to let go, you just need to be WILLING. And while you can’t change the past, you can learn from it and change how you feel going forwards.
The act of Let go is also not new, we all, in fact, do exercise a bit of letting go in our daily life, just that if we do it more consciously, being aware of the benefits it brings in, we may end up exercising it on a regular basis.
Right from your cranky boss to your illiterate domestic help to your demanding spouse, you will find infinite situations where Letting Go if exercised will be a much better option than holding on.
So, if you ever find yourself feeling irritated, frustrated or in a snappy mood, unnecessary putting up with people.
I’m sure you now know what to do next.
Change your approach and you will save yourself from tons of unnecessarily baggage killing your well being and happiness.
Anyone interested in learning this simple yet effective way to harness well being
can just sign up for our Let Go program, to live a life filled with positivity and ease
Until next time