Read each of the cases,with nothing much in common except one pattern,- which is “What will people think or say !”
Case 1 : David was struggling to find the right way of moving his life ahead,but he always compared his life with his friends ,whom he considered to be the most coolest people on earth ,and after constantly monitoring their ways of life ,ended up trying to ape it as much as he can . He even set up his own threshold of life key factors like happiness, joy,fulfillment ,based on that of his friends . As a result he remained unhappy ,confused ,always on an edge for several years ,till he finally found what was the reason for his baseless comparisons.
Case 2 : Julia ,took an hour to figure out which could be the best attire to wear for a prayer meet, she was extra careful ,because she hailed from another culture, after an hour of over analyzing and thinking ,she zeroed down on a particular dress and wore it with lot of caution. The funniest part at the prayer meet ,was when she found herself not even once being given a extra minute by the host , even though she met many people from various communities, each was occupied by his /her own things , on her way back she kept thinking,how she wasted her time in simply analyzing something of no importance,in reality,no one even paid attention to her nor her dress,as the family members were busy with the rituals and the others with their own formalities .
Case 3 : Mark always considered his family and even his cousins as part of his very own, therefore before every decision and every important event he would involve all of them, to him, involvement was more a manifestation of unity and oneness ,even though He often ended up being more confused than before with too many opinions floating around . In a way Mark imposed consensus in life ,by involving all he think need to be involved , he gained sense only when he experienced the younger ones from his own generation making decisions independently and courageously with conviction , they didn’t even bother to involve him ,especially in their personal life decisions , while all these years he always sought the mass appeal for no apparent reason.
A common pattern one could observe in all the above cases is
- Constant comparison with others
- Lacking sense of what one is in real need of
- Disconnected with inner self
- Appeasing people for reasons unknown
- Holding low self worth
- Learning from negative experiences
- Unnecessary worry
The solution here lies in an approach and thought process,which is to acknowledge and understand that regardless of what we evaluate and how long we do it, in reality each person stays concerned about their own issues and problems ,and no on really has the time to worry about the other .So, stay focused on your “self” and invest time to know what you really need and understand the why behind it.Mehnaz Amjad
Did you anytime found yourself in similar situations ,behaving in more or less similar ways ?
Do you have any similar stories to share ,which can help others learn from your experience ?
What do you think is the number one reason for constantly being worried for and about “what will people say or think “?
(c)Mehnaz Amjad 2020
About the Author : Mehnaz Amjad MBA (HR),PMP,SHRM-SCP , is a certified Life Coach,Founder of Guide & Advice which offers Life Coaching & Training services to both individuals and organizations. Online : LinkedIn