My domestic help has been working for us ,for a very long time
She is now so well acquainted with our way of life, that we have even left our house on her, anytime I need to be outside the house for a long time.
She herself is very hygiene conscious person ,a rare trait in domestic help community , and I admired her for the cleanliness she maintained at our house, exactly the way I want my house to be ,including an eye for detail in regards to my mini garden outside.
One warm afternoon ,while I watered my plants and was busy cleaning up my garden area, the long arduous work exhausted me, and while I was still on it , I thought to myself, how I would have been able to finish it more conveniently along with her ,if she had not gone on a vacation to her native town. Suddenly, I missed her absence , my grammatically incorrect conversations with her in Telugu and her long melodramatic stories she narrated to me several times about her sons and grandchildren
The entire thought process filled me with emotions, on the spot I decided that in future, If I ever move away from my current place ,for sure she will come along with me ,and I would make all necessary arrangement required to take her along .
For few more seconds I was still lost in the future landscape about ,what will happen to her ? how will she survive, who would take care of the old lady and a million more irrational questions ,straight out of a emotionally hijacked mind .
She is a widow ,with her grand children all well settled in her native town and she lives in the city ,right opposite to our house ,there is a huge vacant piece of land under litigation, the people who have occupied it ,have built three small rooms and have placed people to stay in there to also act as security personnel for it, my domestic help stays in one of the room allotted to her ,and also work in neighborhood which is our house.
This time when she went for vacation , her demand was a 5 day leave ,but when she did not return even after 15 days ,I called to inquire , she never spoke , never answered nor returned the call.
A month passed by ,and one day I spotted her near her house ,while she stood begging on the road ,when we inquired she said she was unwell and will soon resume work after few days , the few days never ended ,another month passed by ,she never returned ,but was seen hanging around ,sometimes begging ,sometimes enjoying the local toddy with her neighbors next door.
She was happy with her new found freedom and was perhaps, enjoying every bit of it .
And finally one day ,when I met her, she refuse to even identify me ,leave alone providing a rational reason for her discontinuation of work. She came across as someone who found something ,she always wanted .
This incident left me sore, but when I reflected , it taught me the following:
1.Emotions mostly arise from our unmet needs ,buried deep down
2.Emotions are NOT facts and in most cases NOT true.
3.Emotions are impermanent and easily shift, not just for us ,but for others too.
4.To jump to conclusions without any rationale is a thinking error
5.Emotions if not regulated or understood ,often misguide .
6.Creating expectations out of our own emotions ,while the person or persons in it are completely oblivious to our planning is an incorrect approach.
7.Every experience holds wisdom ,and lessons ,paving way for a better you, provided we reflect and not react.
Incidents, experiences could be trivial or serious, what really matters is our response to it and our learnings we gathered from it.Mehnaz Amjad
(c)Mehnaz Amjad 2020
About the Author : Mehnaz Amjad is a certified Life Coach, a CBT Practitioner ,Founder of Guide & Advice which offers Life Coaching services to both individuals and organizations. Online : LinkedIn