One of my client being coached on personal loss shares that she just pulled out her music collection and danced to a hit rock music score
was tired of the monotony,
But felt guilty
and questioned her emotional state
Because , as she danced her blues away, she was constantly reminded of the scenes from the funeral of her husband, the last dying hour ,the day ,her helplessness, anxiety , she found herself stuck somewhere between the past she wanted to forget and the present she wanted to live .
I explained to her; It’s absolutely fine to do so,
Feelings of intense sorrow, after a personal loss, do not shift to cheerfulness instantly, it requires time and patience,
A music break can be the first step!
Grief being unique , we experience it just as we experience life at a personal level.
It is not necessary it holds a common pattern , like sobbing , sometimes people may just go silent without any expression .
In this given case, she has been holding a lot inside her , since grieving is also closely connected to our deep rooted belief’s, coming in from a culture of restrain may prevent people to express it , she was experiencing something similar in most cases it is observed , the more emotions are bottled up deep inside in the limbic system of the brain , following cultural norms than the real feelings and music may just act as a catalyst to unleash it .
Learning to manage the deep rooted thoughts , that if revisited create intense sorrow , can be best done through external help , not doing so may keep the person stuck for a very long time , which can even last a lifetime.
(c)Mehnaz Amjad 2021