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When will my grief, my pain end

My father many moons ago told me, you need tragedies to shape your life deeply and profoundly. I was not very pleased to learn it.

Me: I asked why Tragedies only?

My Father: because of tragedies, a human soul gets to experience the core of its soul and its realities, including the strength that lies deep within.

After his demise, on 12th May 2021, although he breathed his last in my lap, and despite being his caregiver for 5 long years, I was oblivious to the tragedy that was about to envelop me in his last moments.

Today, 5 months later, I silently said to myself; Yes, Tragedies can change life deeply and profoundly.

Fall 2021, after my Father’s demise

My client Susan, reached me for Grief Coaching on her personal loss. It was a case I took over immediately having been through my own loss. The case was simple, unlike my other coaching assignments, which usually are complex by nature, given the complexities of grief and setbacks involved.

Susan struggled with her grief, it was not just painful, but a prolonged one, she found herself stuck, and difficult to come back to normalcy, with too many thoughts in her mind, countless worries, and what-if scenarios, most of her time went on over-analyzing her state of mind or trying to find a way out of the maze.

The following pointers helped Susan find perspective to her grief and a way out of it.

TO note

  • Grief fades, but not exactly the way and in time ,one may want the grief to stop
  • It is imperative to understand the root cause of Grief ,before attempting to get rid of it completely & not vice-versa.
  • To exercise acceptance, that Grief is universal, everyone goes through it at some point or the other
  • To be aware that Grief is unique,everyone experience it in its own way ,just as life.
  • To stay open to all emotions and experiences that grief brings in and approach it with acceptance
  • To indulge in self care , ranging from healthy diet to learning to practice ways of bringing peace of mind through meditation
  • Treating oneself with patience and compassion while grieving.

To Avoid

  • To avoid thinking grief as a process or a method which starts and ends automatically
  • To avoid fighting back difficult emotions or hiding it
  • To avoid practicing incorrect coping mechanisms like excessive rumination, worrying ,venting out,isolating,increased usage of alcohol,or drugs
  • To avoid conflict and set healthy boundaries with people who are difficult to deal with.
  • Finally to remember , when it becomes tough to do it all by yourself, then seek help through coaching or therapy.

Result of Susan’s Coaching assignment: A Resilient Susan, equipped with the strength to manage her grief and loss with a forward action plan for the future.

Ask for help. not because you are weak, but because you want to remain strong

Le Brown.

Should we talk? Yes, click

(c)Mehnaz Amjad 2021

About the Author: Mehnaz Amjad is a Life Coach, a CBT Practitioner, Founder of Guide & Advice which offers Coaching to both individuals and organizations. You can Connect

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