It was a dry fading winter day in February 1992, while the mood was somber, and the environment tense, I was busy binging on my favorite puffed rice, mixed with pomegranate seeds and some roasted chickpeas.
The Occasion —-my grandfather, my father’s uncle had passed away, and I was in the “ziyarat“, a Hyderabadi three-day customary ritual prayer meeting, followed after the funeral. He was my father’s ”Chacha” and my ”Dada”, since, I had no experience with my actual (paternal) grandparents, so for a very long time believed him only to be my real “dada abba” .
Today Nov 6th, 2022, precisely three decades later, I was returning back from the same house, after attending the funeral prayer of my uncle,(chacha’s), dada’s (Grandfather’s) eldest son.
Life came back in a full circle!
It was a difficult drive, all throughout, I was deeply embedded into a sea of emotions, that had triggered a flood of memories, of my father’s demise and of many others I have lost in recent times.
While as a ten-year-old, food kept me occupied, today, three decades later, memories and complicated emotions were taking a toll on my mind.
Lost in my deep reflection, I was interrupted by the driver, who was new to the bylanes of the old city of Hyderabad, and from time to time sought my help to maneuver through it, the building, the setup, and the narrow lanes were alien to him, he seems to be lost, juxtaposed and representing my present inner self, mumbled jumbled, with the complicated emotions I was experiencing, making me feel overwhelmed, sad and also utterly confused, all at the same time.
Wiping my moist eyes, using google translate, in a grammatically incorrect Telugu,(with all due respect for my regional language) I gave him directions and the good part was, it worked , both for the destination reached on time and my emotions which were in a dire need of a break.
I laughed at my attempts of being the GPS in Telugu.
The approach of giving myself the permission to “just be ” came as a huge assistance, it allowed acceptance of who I’m along with all the broken parts of myself, and my weaknesses, I sought no perfection, and instead choose to surrender and submit.
Just be, if you happen to be experiencing life, similar to that of mine.
(c) Mehnaz Amjad 2022
About the Author: Mehnaz Amjad is a Coach, & a CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapist), and the Founder of Guide & Advice which offers Coaching to both individuals and organizations. You can Connect with me.