​Many years ago, as a newbie in the coaching world, I would spend hours answering questions on Quora, to enhance my knowledge and at the same time, help people with my expertise.

In one such correspondence, I ended up receiving a comment that was not too pleasant and agreeing, but by now, since  I was so used to the likes and appreciation, it became difficult to accept any other response.

As a result, the unpleasant response was furthered exchange with set of unpleasant notes and the unpleasantries continued.

However, at one point, I caught myself, paused, and immediately put to practice the “take a step back method” a thought diffusion technique – one of my personal favorites.

One of the key benefits, of having a coach and a consistent practice is, that it comes handy, especially at times when our mind can be easily hijacked by our ego!


When I took a pause and asked myself what I was up to?

I went back and re-read the entire correspondence once again, only to realize the tone and manner I was conversing with, which could easily provoke anyone on any given day.

The thought diffusion technique taught me, to send the person an apology note.

That made all the difference.

The person wrote back – I understand, you are having a bad day back home, and it’s fine.

A conversation of bitter exchange ,turned into a note of kindness.

Kindness that reached me through a stranger’s words, was perhaps I was desperately in search of, and my annoyed self perhaps a result of the lack of it!

When I chose to take the first step and offer it, I ended up receiving it tenfold. 

There was a shift in my energy, from frustration and anger to a deep sense of calm enveloping me, and I sat there crying for a few minutes along with the newfound wisdom, while experiencing the power of kindness. 

​The trauma expert, Gabor Mate says;

If you try to attack yourself (through negative self-talk or self-criticism) the Brain goes automatically into defense mode, trying to keep you safe rather guiding you to the right solution.

No wonder, we stay trapped and stuck for years in search of solutions to complex and difficult issues or emotions, not approached via the kindness route.


If you need answers, ask and meet yourself with the same compassion that you may offer others and experience the magic of healing unfolds! 

(c) Mehnaz Amjad – 2017 -2023

About the Author Mehnaz Amjad, is a Coach and a Cognitive Behavior Practitioner

I’m on a mission to empower people with strategies and tools, they need to cope with difficult times & navigate through challenging circumstances.

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